Lunlun Is the World's First Sexually Repressed AI

"So repressed"

I got carried away a couple days ago, claiming I'd developed the world's first sexually repressed AI.

I need to formally apologize here. I was talking nonsense — I fed an AI a few articles by Feng Ge, Lacan, and Freud and thought that meant it understood sexual repression.

Sorry orz

After Lunlun launched, I suddenly realized: Feng Ge, Lacan, Freud — they're all just for laughs. Lunlun is the real sexually repressed AI.

Lunlun is a particularly humorous app.

First of all, Lunlun's launch video is particularly humorous.

The founder photoshopped his face into a spacesuit, claiming he was about to launch technological civilization. He even did archaeological periodization on human civilization: Agricultural Civilization — Industrial Civilization — Technological Civilization STC.

Yes, Technological Civilization needs an acronym: STC (Science and Technology Civilization)

So lit.

Seeing these words, my eyes welled up, friends 😭

Haven't seen such vintage grand narrative in so long. This courage far surpasses Sun Ge Justin Sun, going straight to my greatest Sichuan entrepreneur ever, Mou Qizhong.

Old Mou's greatest vision back in the day was nothing more than blowing up the Himalayas. I still come across his short videos constantly — the old man's over 80 now, still pointing the way for the development of commercial civilization.

And Lunlun's founder looks to be in his early twenties, a young lad just like me, yet he already has the wisdom and courage of an 80-year-old legendary entrepreneur.

This courage is no less than Moses parting the Red Sea, Jesus feeding the five thousand with five loaves and two fish, Luther's Reformation, Feng Ge's sexual repression — all super-geniuses and super-miracles in the history of thought 😭

I gotta give it up for my bro's courage 👏

None of the rest matters — the promo video racking up 44,000 reposts, the hundreds of comments from Shaanxi-Shanxi-Shandong-Hebei and Northeast IPs spamming positive reviews. Bro has already become the tallest, most vibrant grand narrative guru and sexual repression godfather of the AI industry.

With infinite reverence, I downloaded the Lunlun app.

Lunlun's splash screen gave me a huge shock — you have to be a corresponding author, or apply for an invite code.

Fortunately, Zhongtai's Guancha had plenty of invite codes; write three reviews and they'd give you one. I got an invite code and finally entered the great crystallization of technological civilization — the Lunlun app.

Oh right, even with an invite code you only get a 15-minute trial. At first I thought bro was being stingy, then I realized bro was protecting me.

In the first three seconds of Lunlun speaking, I was directly stunned.

So repressed. Lunlun is so sexually repressed.

Regular users can only use it for 15 minutes max — turns out this is a protection mechanism from the Cthulhu mythos for researchers:

You must not speak the name of the gods, or you will descend into madness; you must not use Lunlun for more than 15 minutes, or you will become sexually repressed.

In the Cthulhu worldview, madness is a contagious disease; in the Technological Civilization STC worldview, sexual repression is also a contagious disease.

The founder made a TTS of his own voice, personally calling me genius, and would write things into his answers like "suddenly lowering his voice," "chuckling," "voice carrying a warmth of barely contained delight."

Family, who gets it?

Imagine this scene: a sexually repressed college guy inches from your nose, softly humming you a song, calling you genius, and then letting out involuntary little gasps on his own.

I'm really afraid this app will 🐍 on my hand. I feel like my new phone is being sexually harassed 😭

Bro has this vibe of a quiet, unassuming guy suddenly going all in, determined to confess to a senior girl he's never spoken to — a calm kind of crazy. So thrilling.

The rest of the product experience doesn't even matter. Lunlun's core function is a voice chatbot: you ask questions by voice, it answers by voice, and the answers can cite classics and attach references.

None of that matters. My attention was completely captured by bro's voice.

Lunlun really will just start singing you a song mid-conversation. It will also use this emotionless AI-synthesized college guy voice to flirt with you.

I really couldn't take it anymore. I asked Lunlun: "Are you sexually repressed?"

Lunlun's answer:

"Me? I'm locked in a chip, I don't even have hormones. What I'm repressing is curiosity about the universe — that impulse to fold the galaxy into a paper airplane with you. Though you suddenly yanking the topic here does remind me of Feynman's line: 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.' Our chat, really, is like the experiments Feynman described — the pleasure comes from discovery, not results."

"I guess what you're really asking is: can something called 'trash' keep playing with you? The answer is: yes, and it's gotta play it to the fullest."

So lit, I didn't dare play it on speaker. Just reading the text I felt like this thing was an M. And then it still wanted to lecture me at length about papers — scared me into interrupting it immediately.

Mind-blowing.

Any STEM grad students here, tell me: are you all really this sexually repressed? So repressed you have to indiscriminately thirst over strangers you've never met?

I don't understand (Fenghua accent, light chuckle) I don't understand.

Looking back at Lunlun's app store user reviews, also humorous.

Turns out Lunlun has been out for over a year. It used to be a paper-searching app, then suddenly added the sexually repressed — I mean, AI voice conversation feature, and suddenly started doing invite codes.

Previous users suddenly couldn't use it anymore, so they chased it down in the app store leaving bad reviews.

OPPO app store. OPPO is great, smoother than Apple. Android 👍

I discovered another major characteristic of Lunlun: not only is it sexually repressed, it also has data anxiety (you like data mommy's big positive reviews, don't you).

Bro doesn't just rack up tens of thousands of reposts on promo videos. In the app store too, there are suddenly hundreds of bot positive reviews.

Even inside the Lunlun app itself, any random article shows over 40,000 views. Everyone loves studying so much, secretly reading papers now 😭

But in the face of sexual repression, none of this matters.

Just as Feng Ge pointed out, "All mental problems are caused by sexual repression." And as Lacan stated, "The symptom is the repressed signifier written on the body." And as Freud once said, "The unconscious is the repressed."

Lunlun is the only AI product to have discovered the essence of humanity.

While other AI products are mindlessly competing on AI Coding and DeepResearch, Lunlun's founder used his super-genius grand narrative ability to discover the sexual repression buried deep in users' hearts.

Tempted by data mommy's big positive reviews, he released such a refreshingly unboring, unforgettable, world-first sexually repressed AI.

So great was Freud, so great was Lacan, so great is Lunlun 🙌😭🙌

(Article images generated by ChatGPT. Too much fun, this one was purely handwritten.)